Demon Hell Bus Driver
Yesterday, I was on top of the world. I thought I had solved what is perhaps the most pressing problem in my life today: the commute. For unknown reasons, the CTA is having the Blue Line subway run at 6 mph, with no solution or end in sight. "Until further notice" is not a friendly phrase when coming from anyone, especially not the CTA. But yesterday, I thought all of my woes were behind me when I used the lovely and amazing Milwaukee bus. Yesterday morning, I waited at the corner of Milwaukee/Damen/North for about 5 minutes, then along came a bus, I piled on board, a few blocks later, at Ashland, lots of people got off and I got a seat, and a total of about 20 minutes after boarding the bus, I was let off only two blocks from my office. Genius! Then I rode it home. Even better! A seat all the way, no crowding, and again, a quick and breezy commute of under a half hour.
That was yesterday.
This morning, I became acquainted with the Demon Hell Bus Driver. This is what I imagine school bus drivers are like in middle school, except I always had to walk to school.
First off, I had to wait 20 minutes for the bus. Not the bus driver's fault, necessarily. Schedules get thrown off. Traffic gets bad. Disabled people get on and off. Things come up. But I wholeheartedly believe it was this driver's fault. Here is the situation:
Bus pulls up to stop. It's been 20 minutes, so many people are waiting. The bus is already quite full. Instead of saying, "I've only got room for 2 people" or "Wait for the next one" she starts screaming for everyone in the bus to move to the back. "Please! People! Move to the back! I cannot drive if there is someone standing in the doorway!"
This happened at every single stop where people wanted to get on. At first, there was a little room to squeeze into, but eventually we were packed like the proverbial salted fish, and of course we all had briefcases and purses and bags and big coats and umbrellas. People from the back starting shouting up, "There's no more room!" but she would just shout back "Move back! If you don't want to move, step aside so that others can move back!" Step aside? Where to? We're on a bus. Did she want us to hang from the ceiling? Shrink ourselves with our shink-ray? She started commiserating with the people in front: "I'm sorry, but if they won't make room for you, we're just going to have to wait." Eventually, she got a bit manic. "Pretty please! Pretty please with sugar on top! Move back!" For miles and miles. It took forty minutes to get downtown because she wouldn't just make people wait for the next bus, all the time blaming those of us in the back that she couldn't drive.
We all know about the Demon Hell Bus Ride. I'm positive that she was the driver of that fateful trip.
That was yesterday.
This morning, I became acquainted with the Demon Hell Bus Driver. This is what I imagine school bus drivers are like in middle school, except I always had to walk to school.
First off, I had to wait 20 minutes for the bus. Not the bus driver's fault, necessarily. Schedules get thrown off. Traffic gets bad. Disabled people get on and off. Things come up. But I wholeheartedly believe it was this driver's fault. Here is the situation:
Bus pulls up to stop. It's been 20 minutes, so many people are waiting. The bus is already quite full. Instead of saying, "I've only got room for 2 people" or "Wait for the next one" she starts screaming for everyone in the bus to move to the back. "Please! People! Move to the back! I cannot drive if there is someone standing in the doorway!"
This happened at every single stop where people wanted to get on. At first, there was a little room to squeeze into, but eventually we were packed like the proverbial salted fish, and of course we all had briefcases and purses and bags and big coats and umbrellas. People from the back starting shouting up, "There's no more room!" but she would just shout back "Move back! If you don't want to move, step aside so that others can move back!" Step aside? Where to? We're on a bus. Did she want us to hang from the ceiling? Shrink ourselves with our shink-ray? She started commiserating with the people in front: "I'm sorry, but if they won't make room for you, we're just going to have to wait." Eventually, she got a bit manic. "Pretty please! Pretty please with sugar on top! Move back!" For miles and miles. It took forty minutes to get downtown because she wouldn't just make people wait for the next bus, all the time blaming those of us in the back that she couldn't drive.
We all know about the Demon Hell Bus Ride. I'm positive that she was the driver of that fateful trip.
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